Thomas the tank engine, another tent and a guinea pig

After a reckless ebay session I found myself having to collect 2 tents today. Usually this is an exciting and enjoyable prospect. Today it wasn't

The first tent was a Thomas the Tank Engine pop up. No I haven't finally lost the plot, but unfortunately my daughter sharing the same genes has some dumb ideas as well. For a upcoming fancy dress themed 'What I wanted to be when I was young'. She decided she had wanted to be Thomas the Tank Engine

Now costumes are pretty forthcoming for age 3-5 years old, but for 30 year old women they are pretty far between. So a flash of inspiration kicked in when I just happened to be randomly searching for 'tent' on ebay and I decided I could somehow adapt this to make a costume

The woman was slightly horrified when i picked it up and explained I planned to trash little Jimmy's pride and joy.

Once collected I headed North for the even worse ebay tent buy. Having another 'I am sure I will get outbid on this one' I decided to put a tops of £20 ebay bid on what I affectionaly call the 'Shit Hole Tent'. As luck was obviously against me I won the bloody thing.

The naming of this tent wasn't in jest it really is a mess. Ebay usually flatters, but even it couldn't find the right light to show this grease stained, filthy, what are apparently broken inner zips deluxe abode

Ebay Pic 1, not looking so bad from this one angle

But alarm bells ring on pics 2 & 3. With the gaping inner and what appears to be a nice blob of grease on the back of it

So an hour toddle up the motorway and you muse on what state your purchase will be in. Having bought half of the canvas population and equipment I have visited all manner of houses, some lovely huge mansions (always good as nice stuff) some normal, and some not so good.

On arriving there I realised this area was the pits. After passing a few boarded up houses I concluded that perhaps it was a war zone. If Gadaffi hadn't been killed last week, there is a strong possiblilty he would have been hiding on this housing estate

After spending 10 mins in the car hiding everything under dog blankets I approached the house. No knocker/bell etc so a nice gentle tap on the door. On cue a pair of gums drools through the window where a nice friendly camper eating staffie was trying to devour me through the double glazing. A man runs round the gate and lets me straight through the back

He explains the tent has been up all week for the kids to play in. 2 seconds later a chocolate bar with a childs face walks out of the tent (arghhhh choccie fingers everywhere). Thinking a few muddy fingerprints isn't the end of the world (and by this stage I can see the canvas is a lovely tone of grey soot) I proceed to look inside...

I undo the zip and this is staring at me...

Very tame but unfortunately he seems to shite pellets twice as big as his head. Which are all over the tent. Not the worst BUT, he obviously has a taste for inner tents and had eaten some nice tasy holes along the back of the inner

In fairness the owner apologised and said oops he could have ate that any time this week...and did i still want it? Also letting me have it for the knockdown price of £10 rather than the £16.50 I had won it for

Having driven 90 mile I was taking it even if i was just going to ceremoniously burn it when i got back

We took the tent down, which involved the chocolate child crying and asking why it was going (she was probably scared the guinea pig would starve to death) He started to fold it, nice muddy and pig shit side inwards, so I did ask if perhaps we could shake it first to get rid of some of little hammy shitfaces faeces?

Quickest ever taking down of a tent, I ran out the garden and heard chocolate kid shout 'daddy i think there is a hammer for it as well?' - I graciously declined the mallet, as if it had been in my hand I would have squashed the bloody guinea pig into the floor with it

In all its glory, complete with pig shit

Got home, and having the patience of a gnat, have hosed down the inner, and it is now sitting bathing in radox upstairs (OH is at work so oblivious to mass destruction of bathroom). Also went through the pegs and put graveyard pegs to one side. There are actually a few pegs that are quite decent, so I am hoping at valuation I can recoup the £10 ebay fee...

I like to think of this as a project similar to when mechanics buy cars and bikes, and renovate them to their glorious best..I don't hold out much hope for it, but am considering replacing all the canvas with guinea pig skins....