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Tuesday, 16 February 2016

No tents, but an interesting weekend...

Having managed to escape grandaughter duties for 3 years, my eldest daughter Sarah booked a romantic weekend away, and dumped her beloved little angel with me, and the parenting skills of Steve my OH, my younger daughter Christie, and her OH Matt...

4 adults, 2 labradors, and 1 small kid, what could be difficult about that...

Well apart from the fact we were clueless, and Emma (the little angel) is a weird creature, we did ok really.

Christie and Matt brought her home on Friday morning, 'err Mummy hasn't left anything out, so choose what you normally wear...'?  Not entirely convinced this was normal attire....

Friday kicked off relatively stress free.  We went shopping.  Easy.  After a few negotiations I was conned into 'Ben and Hollies' pyjamas.  Then the next on the 'I want' list was cupcake mix.  We had meltdown over Mickey Mouse cake mix.  Negotiations included frozen cupcakes, minion cup cakes, lemon head (m & m's evidently) cup cake mix which daddy doesnt allow (no idea why, but who am I to question).
We tried to fob off with the much more economic hundreds and thousands unbranded cupcake mix, which made twice as many and cost half as much.

We were on full sobbing now...

So a final last ditch attempt to override the cakemix can have the pyjamas or the cake mix...

One packet of cake mix and no pyjamas later, we moved on

After a traumatic shopping trip, we dumped her with 'granda' (steve).   This wasn't a decision taken lightly, as granda is barely capable of looking after himself.  But it was either this or mixing emma with Ikea...

So a phone call home at 7pm...

'How is everything, you ok with Emma?'
'It's happened, I knew it would'
'She's wet herself?!??'
'Noooo, she wanted a NUMBER 2'
'So did you take her ok'?
'Yes....asked if she could wait till everyone got back..?'
    'no..i need to go now'
    'so, do i need to balance you on there or anything?'
    'no, i'm ok granda..........finished now granda'
    ' you do the wiping bit yourself'?
    'no granda, you have to do that'
    so arse in air,she presents arse for him.
    Steve very chuffed, managed to use bog roll and do duties.

Ariived home, and despite a bump on her head, and a face full of biro, he had done brilliantly.

Christie got night time duties....apart from the 4am 'i want my daddy' comment, it was relatively smooth going.

She has mastered the inflatable camping bed brilliantly.  Obviously it was better to cuddle, than sleep in though.

Next morning we went to Stratford and visited the Butterfly Farm.   Her enthusiasm on the way was overwhelming

Despite putting a brave face on,she was obviously desperately missing her parents

A few set backs where she wouldn't look up for 5 minutes, after we showed her the cuddly spider...

and the childrens 'handling the millipede session', didnt exactly help deter a few weeks of nightmares...

But at least she had a lovely smile for the family photo....

Butteryfly farm over, we had a walk over the bridge into the shops. 

Christie disowned her, and delegated ownership to me in the shops.   Due to the lack of a straightjacket, or some rope to tie her arms and hands down, we visited two shops.  This was more than enough.   Her arms are everywhere, she is incapable of walking without twirling

A quick stop for lunch, where i paid £6 for a cheese sandwich (for the ducks) and she ate 6 crisps...  I told her I am never feeding her again.

Back home and time to bake the mickey mouse cupcakes.   The dogs thought it was amazing.

The most successful revenge I got all weekend on mummy, was teaching her how to unlock the ipad and phone, using mummys secret pin number.  Ha ha mummy..!

...'So, do you want a nice story from your books, or 15 minutes of brain numbing american shit, watching kids opening crap presents?'

15 minutes of watching some moronic kid pushing a shopping trolley around a supermarket later...

Sunday was amuse Emma day again....First off the witch dolls house. Not entirely sure if she would find it a bit freaky, I thought I would play it nicely...

'So, cackle cackle....I shall turn you both into frogs....mwaahhahahaaa'
'yes yes, make the children frogs!!'
'Now i shall bake you in my oven, mwahaahahaha, but drat, i cant fit you in, you are too big!!'
'push him push him, he will go in'

2 hours of baking kids and turning them into frogs later, i moved onto scooby doo lego mystery mansion.    8 packets, with a smaller sub packet in each....

'I'll open all the bags!!!'
It was bad enough trying to build it as it was.  

Chrsite and Matt came back and we trekked off to Coombe Abbey Country Park. Apart from a small mishap where I tried to wash the dogs off, and half drowned Biscuit, it went ok.  

Sit, stay, beg.  Nicely trained now

Until the end...

I want an ice creammmmmmm!

Oh.  At £3.70 parking per car, and Christies royal streak,where she carries no cash.meant we had a grand total of 42p between us.

So due to the wailing, i approached Mr Zoomy, with 'Ummm....have you any broken cones or something you can give us for 40p'?

Half an ice cream later, she is none the wiser.

Mr Zoomy is tutting in the background...

Back home again, and final trip of the weekend.  The local curry house.  We were wise to her ways now,and fully prepared for everything.  Within 2 minutes of being there, she had demolished her orange drink.  Steve being smart, got her a refil straight away...ha ha we were prepared.

'Whose is that'?
'It's yours, we got you another drink'   :)
'I didn't want another one'
'But you finished the other really quickly..?!!'
'Well I don't want any more'

Look of disgust thrown our way....

3 year old logic...don't argue
Removing the bubbles from the drink....

We did the 'try this you'll like it' stage next....

'I don't like it'
'oooh onion bhaji, you'll like this'
'I don't like it'
' I like it. give me some more'
'try the curry?'
'I don't like it'
'I still don't like it.  take it off my plate.  It's touching my poppadom' ...REMOVE REMOVE URGENTLY

After a quick survey of the debris on the floor, we were home and dry!

Finally into bed, and mummys back tomorrow....yipppeeeeeeeeeeeeee

There was the overwhelming greeting for mummy and daddy - 'where's my present'?

And as a final send off, we asked her if she wanted to go for a chinese meal...

'Yes please, lets go...goodbye Mummy' coming too.....our sentence is over...

ownership handed back


  1. It did.. Ok. I haven't giggled this much about kids in ages but I'm kinda glad Kayleigh's gay.

    1. There are always turkey basters or adoption... :)

      No one should be allowed to escape this

      I have no idea how I raised two kids. Strange kids admittedly

  2. I raised three children on Pot Noodles and crazy times.

    They're all in uni now.

    Just putting that out there ... ��

  3. I wonder who she takes after.....

  4. It did.. Ok. I haven't giggled this much about kids in ages but I'm kinda glad Kayleigh's gay.
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CRAFTY POST - My revolting conservatory-camping-store-room, really needed a makeover....

Finished!  So I get asked, where do I store all my camping kit? The answer is